Wine Nights
by Anna-B-206
Summary: James and Juliet in Dharma times...
1. Chapter 1

Four months. She had been living in the Dharma Initiative for four months.

Drinking. She'd been… partaking a little too much most nights for the last two weeks. Not in a way that impeded her ability to function; to show up and be proficient at her work as a mechanic. No, not that. Just enough to make her mornings a little difficult. Just enough to get her mind to that place every night. Where it was possible for her to contort her brain. To see things in a positive light, to smile and feel content. To feel happy.

Sure, people would say that being buzzed isn't really feeling happiness. She'd probably even say that herself, in the light of day. But those moments, after a couple of glasses of Dharma Merlot, where she could take a deep breath and it felt like there was no weight pressing her down; it felt good. She felt that there was nothing that was impossible. It was not the same as feeling that anything was possible, but it was close.

She was a woman of science. There was a reason for things that happened, whether it be an engine firing or a person feeling happy. Cause and effect. A certain variable could trigger a known chain of events. It all came down to a series of chemical reactions in the brain. She wasn't so cold and unfeeling as people thought. She did not discount relationships, people, emotions and the power they had. But she knew that the root of it was chemistry. And just as people thought she was an ice queen for appearing aloof and detached, she thought it was foolish to disregard this aspect of life – the science of the brain.

Cold. Yes, most people probably thought she was a cold and unfeeling person. She was aware that she had withdrawn into herself. If she seemed cold and calculating, well, it was because she had indeed made a calculation. She needed to adapt. To keep going, to move forward and not be rendered immobile by grief and fear, she needed to detach. And so she did appear distant to those who did not truly know her. And if she ever let herself feel despair, it was often because there was no such person. Not here anyway. Not now. It was all too much. Even if she didn't need to hide her real identity from those around her (she was, after all, about 5 years old? – but that was something she tried not to think about), it was too much. Even to herself, she could only think about the last 3 years – more than 3 years – in pieces. Yes, it was all too much.

Sometimes she wanted to write it all down. To put the last 3 years on a piece of paper, fold it up, and give it to someone. It didn't even matter who it was. To have it all there, on just a piece of paper, and to give it to another person. Then there would be someone who knew. It would be a relief to have someone else know. Just the facts. She knew it was impossible for anyone to understand, just as it would be impossible for her to understand exactly what it was like to be somebody else. But to have someone else know the story, what had happened, maybe she wouldn't feel so stifled.

But it was still too much. And maybe the glow of a couple of glasses of wine was not "true" happiness, but if it elicited the same reactions, if a different catalyst could trigger the same effect, then what was wrong with that? So she allowed herself three weeks of drinking a few glasses of wine each night, while James was on the evening shift working security. After three weeks, she would be more productive, make better use of her time.

Now that she had time and space, she was using these three weeks of nights to take a deep breath. To let go for a few hours. She didn't need to be on alert at all times, like she was with the Others. She wasn't jumping through time anymore. There were no more flaming arrows or men with machetes threatening to cut her hand off. After all of that, after the years of… but she can't think about that.

Things were finally calm. She had a job. She lived in a house and was part of a community. Sure, the Dharma Initiative had some projects going on that filled her with a sense of dread, but they were nice people for the most part. There was no kidnappings, no violence, no talk of Jacob, no espionage. There were of barbecues and picnics and dances instead of clandestine meetings and interrogations. She didn't need to be constantly on edge.

She had a team. For once, she wasn't an outsider. She wasn't the new recruit or the spy. Or the double agent who no one really trusted. Her team was defined and secure. And she trusted them. It was easy enough to bond over the shared experience of jumping through time, but she found that over the past few months that she genuinely enjoyed their company. Jin's English was improving and however rocky their past was, he had come to trust her. Even like her. She was his best and favorite tutor. She knew he thought about Sun and their baby constantly. She did not know that he found it a comfort to be near Juliet, not just because he considered her a friend now, but also because she was a connection to his wife and daughter. She had helped Sun. She had seen his daughter. On the monitor that day, she had seen the daughter that he did not know if he ever would. She was so close to his baby. She knew.

As abrasive and annoying as she had found Miles to be at times, she was glad he was around. He had a good sarcastic sense of humor but he was more thoughtful than he let on. He would make fun of Jin's malapropisms and grammatical errors, but she noticed that he noticed when Jin was having an especially tough day. The days when Jin was quiet and withdrawn just happened to be the days Miles would suggest fishing lessons or going to the rec room for a game of pool and some beer.

Dan had left on the sub that she intended to be on. James was right. The things she wanted to go back to did not exist yet. But she was also right. That in itself was not a reason not to leave. Her instinct, after searching for years for a way off the island, was to jump at the first opportunity to leave. But she was glad that James was there that night, if only to make her slow down. She was a scientist. She needed to pause, to analyze. To think. She wanted to get off the island. That was a fact. She had a means of getting off the island – the sub. But then what? It was the 1970s. She would have no identification. She wouldn't be able to be a doctor. She was alarmed to think of the job prospects for a woman on her own in the 1970s. Could she even support herself? Would she look for her family? Would it be possible to be near them, even to see them, without her heart breaking? It wouldn't work. If she ever wanted to get back to what she wanted to get back to, she believed that the chance would come here. This is what she told James when he asked if she was still planning to leave. He was happy she was staying, but he didn't say anything. She looked so sad when she told him.

She and James shared one of the 2 two-bedroom houses they had been given. They didn't really discuss this; it just seemed like the most obvious way to split into groups of two. James and Juliet seemed to be the two co-captains of their little team. It was a little awkward at first, but not as awkward as they expected it might be. The fully stocked bookshelf in the living room provided the first icebreaker. From there, they didn't have a hard time conversing with one another. They were both intelligent and witty. One of their favorite ways to pass the time was to make verbal psychological profiles of their fellow Dharma Initiative enrollees – what kind of life they came from and how they ended up in the DI. It was a way to communicate, to talk about what they understood, without talking about themselves. They shared the housework, took turns cooking and cleaning. Even if one of them wasn't home, they never prepared a meal that wouldn't serve two.

They knew people talked, and for a while, they would try to act distant and formal with each other in public, and be social at the DI's many gatherings. They gave up on that pretty quickly. He didn't want to talk to Rosie at the party. He wanted to talk about Rosie with Juliet over a bottle of beer at the little table to the side of the dance floor. Juliet found that it made her life a little easier in the Motor Pool when the guys noticed that she was always with James. And if she enjoyed his company and he made her laugh more than she thought anyone else ever had, then all the better.

James came home from work early on the second to last night of Juliet's three weeks of unrestricted Merlot holiday. It was close to 7:00PM, and she was on glass 2. She was thankful that it was Friday and she had the next day off. It's socially acceptable to drink on Fridays after all, even by yourself at home. Although technically, she was not in the house. It was warm night, with a slight breeze she could feel coming from the beach. She decided to sit out on the porch.

"Startin' without me, Blondie?" he asked as he sauntered up the steps.

"Are you allowed to drink on the clock, James?"

"Scheduling geniuses had too many people on for tonight, so they cut me loose."

"Well in that case, there's an open bottle in the kitchen," she said as she took another sip.

"I like the sound of that. I'm gonna get changed and grab a glass. You need a refill on my way out?"

"Why not. I have tomorrow off, right?"

"You and me both, Sunshine," he grinned as he went inside the house.

James emerged a few minutes later in jeans and a T-shirt, carrying the open bottle of Merlot and another unopened one. Juliet watched as he sat on the chair next to her and raised an eyebrow, acknowledging the second bottle.

"Hey, it's a weekend right?" he said. "Plus, we can call this a celebration."

"What are we celebrating?"

"I think this is the longest I've ever held down a steady, legit, job. I'm a damn pillar of the community!" he explained as he filled his glass.

"Well then, congratulations are definitely in order."

She turned and they clinked glasses before each taking a long sip. They talked about their DI jobs for a while, knocking back a few more glasses as the sun went down and the wine warmed them from the inside out. They were quiet for a while, until James spoke.

"So you were a bigshot doctor, right? Must be a big change now, being a grease monkey."

It was the first time he had directly asked her a personal question. It wasn't even a _personal_ question, per se. Just a question about her life before. Real life.

"I was more of a researcher. But medicine and mechanics are more similar than you might think. It's all basically trying to figure out what's going wrong in the system. I would think your career change is more of a leap," she said, shooting him an amused grin.

He let out a laugh at that. "Touche." He paused for a moment. "You know what the crazy thing is? I kind of like it. Here, I mean. I never had a normal life in the real world, but here… I don't know. I thought I'd be going crazy with the regular job, staying in the same place, living in a yellow house..."

"With someone who cooks half your meals, and does more than half of the cleaning…" she joked.

He laughed again and added, "Never had a roommate before either."

"Me either. Not since college anyway." She paused. "I guess I lived with my sister for a while."

She had mentioned her sister before, but she never offered many details about her. James was definitely curious about her life, and that included her sister. He came close a few times to just asking her to tell him about Rachel (he did get that name out of her one night), but something in her expression when she talked about her made him hesitant to push.

He had had enough wine to give him courage, and he took Juliet bringing up Rachel as an opening. He decided to proceed cautiously.

"So did you two get along, living together, or were you pulling each other's hair out by the end?" he asked, in a light tone.

It was dark, but the light coming through one window of the house hit on her face as she turned her head toward him after his question. She was smiling, he could see, and in that second, it flashed through his brain, _She is beautiful._ And just as his lips curled upward and mirrored her own smile, he noticed that her eyes had filled with tears.

"I'm sorry, I…" but he had no idea what to say after that. He knew that he was sorry for whatever happened that hurt her, but he had no earthly idea what had caused her tears. He thought about retreating, maybe making some joke about having the social skills of Phil to change the subject and ease the tension. But he knew that she wasn't going to just walk up to him one day and tell him about her life. And he truly wanted to know about her life.

She had had enough wine to let down her guard. Enough wine to want to talk. And while she knew, somewhere in her mind, that she might regret talking in the morning, it felt easy right now. The wine had relaxed her. The dark made her feel secure. She could trade the protection of silence for that of the dark. She took another sip from her glass and let go of the filter in her brain that kept everything inside, piling up and getting heavier and heavier.

"No. It's fine," she began. Still with tears in her eyes, but with a tiny laugh at the irony of his lighthearted question, "It's just that she didn't have any hair by the end."

And so that was it. The gates opened, the match lit, the words spoken. She talked about her sister and the cancer; and that led to the baby – Julian; and that led to her work and being recruited by Richard; and that led to the island; and that led to Ben; and that led to Goodwin; and that led to everything up until they found themselves alone, together on the beach watching the smoke rise from the freighter.

He listened quietly, letting her talk without much interruption. That wasn't to say he wasn't completely engrossed in her words. She was brutally honest. When she talked about the deal she made with Ben when Jack had him in surgery, how she killed Danny, he tried to reassure her that he had saved his life and Kate's.

"I killed him, James. I did it so that I could go home. I took a man's life so that I could get something I wanted. I'm not… It's something that I did. I just… You understand, right?"

It wasn't an accusation. She wasn't looking for absolution from him. She didn't want him to tell her she did the right thing or make any sort of justification for what she did. He looked in her eyes and understood that it was a plea. And he did understand. It was not a matter of guilt, remorse, desperation, regret, rationalization. It was all of these things and none of them. It was so overwhelming. It wasn't possible to put into words. Yes, he understood. He met her eyes, they both felt it. It was something they both understood. He nodded his head slowly, and she continued.

* * *

She didn't regret it the next morning. When she got out of bed after sleeping in a little later than she figured a responsible adult should, she made her way to the kitchen and found James making eggs and bacon. They sat down to eat, and she felt ok. She felt better. Lighter.

When she finished eating she started clearing the kitchen to do the dishes. "Thanks for breakfast, James."

"I figured we could use some grease to soak up some of that wine from last night," he smiled as she laughed.

"You know you really shouldn't be drinking," he smirked. She looked over at him quizzically. "I mean, what are you, three years old? You ain't gonna grow right if you keep this up." She laughed again and said she was a very advanced child. "When is your birthday, anyway?"

"February 10," she responded. "When's yours?"

"Three weeks from today, actually."

"So should we get a piñata and start planning pin the tail on the donkey? When do you think we need to order the clown by?"

"Oh god no. No clowns," he said with a shudder.

"I had a clown at my 8th birthday party. I cannot imagine what my parents were thinking."

James smiled wistfully, and immediately, Juliet caught on. He knew that she had read his file. That she knew. He saw something in her face, the second she realized where his mind was after she said that. She looked at him with an expression he couldn't quite read. It wasn't pity, but she was clearly emotional. And she wasn't trying to mask it. This alone made him feel better. She took a breath and stepped closer to him. She put a hand on his arm and said "OK. Your turn tonight. I'll pick up some more wine on my way back from Amy's."

"You already read my file," he countered.

"Yes, but those were other people's words. Not yours. Fair is fair, right?"

"You better come home with three bottles, at least."

"Deal."

And with that, she waved to him and walked out the door. He paused for a moment and thought. He meant what he said about liking this life. The job, the house, the community, the roommate. He liked the way it felt when he said those words to Juliet – "come home." And when she smiled. And he knew that she would come home (with three bottles of wine for them).

He took a long nap that afternoon. He couldn't shut his brain off the night before. Couldn't stop thinking about Juliet's story. Not just the story, but the way she told it. He had just taken a shower and started making dinner when Juliet walked through the door. He turned around when he heard her come in and broke out into a huge smile when he saw that she had four bottles of DI Merlot in her arms.

"Well done, Blondie."

"We cannot drink four bottles of wine in one night, James."

"Why the hell not? I got tomorrow off. So do you."

She rolled her eyes. He knew she wouldn't push him to talk. Her pronouncement earlier in the day was an invitation and not an order, he knew that. And as much as he was wary to talk about his past again, he knew that he would. That he wanted to. He wanted to tell her like she told him. He didn't know how to tell her this, so he said, "Besides, I think you and I have the most colorful pasts in this whole damn place. Four bottle colorful."

She took the corkscrew out and opened the first bottle as James finished making dinner. He informed her that he hadn't left the house all day. She gave him an update on Amy and the other DI folks she had seen that day. They had emptied one bottle by the time they'd finished dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. Juliet went to the bathroom after the dishes were done and found that James was out on the porch when she returned. She grabbed her glass and the newly opened wine bottle and went to join him. They had only been sitting for a few minutes when James started talking. He talked for a long time and didn't hold anything back, only pausing to pour and retrieve more wine. The third bottle was empty by the time he was done. Just as she had, he ended his story on the beach that day, and joked that they should be drinking rum.

"Quite a sordid story, huh? I… I'm not a good person, Juliet. I'm an asshole. Worse, really."

He looked up at her. He had told her everything. He used people, hurt people profoundly. There was no point in hiding now. She held his gaze. He understood now why she didn't want him to try to make excuses or justifications for anything she had done. It wouldn't help. He didn't want that. He didn't want forgiveness from her, or pity or sympathy either. None of that would help. That wasn't it.

She finally broke eye contact and he saw her reach down and begin opening the fourth bottle. He started laughing, his chuckle turning into a nearly uncontrollable laughter as she smiled and set the cork next to her chair.

"I knew you'd come around," he managed to get out as she filled her own glass, set it down, and then picked up his to fill. He stopped laughing as she finished pouring. She set the bottle down and held his glass. He reached his hand out to take the glass from her, and turned his head to look at her when he felt not the glass, but her own hand in his.

She lightly squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. He reciprocated, and when she let go of his hand and gave him his glass, he turned his head forward and looked up into the night sky. This time, the eyes that filled with tears were his own. He took a deep breath, exhaling some of the weight that had been pressing down on him for as long as he could remember.


	2. Chapter 2

Though nothing had outwardly changed in the day to day activities of the little yellow house and its inhabitants, there was no denying that the dynamic had changed between James and Juliet. Since they moved into the house, they had never had trouble talking to one other, but their conversations were different now. Not necessarily different in terms of topics or tone, but now everything had more context. Normally, this kind of attachment (that was the word for it, wasn't it?) would have sent James running for the door. He didn't know if it was his steady life, the practical impossibility of fleeing Dharmaville, or something else, but he wasn't freaked out.

James found that knowing so much about Juliet had affected him. A side comment from Miles about how nothing fazes Juliet irritated the hell out of him – not that he would divulge anything she had told him. Juliet remarking that she sympathized with Anna Karenina set him on edge – was she depressed? He spent a fair amount of time analyzing every interaction he had with her from the first time he saw her. Well, ok, from the second time he saw her. The taser incident was pretty straightforward.

Although Juliet had (for the most part) stopped drinking alone, wine nights on the front porch became a regular event when James wasn't working the evening shift. Though their conversations were never as heavy, never as intense, as the two in which they told each other their stories, they were different. The unspoken rule they had abided by – _for all conversations in which you, I, or someone we know is part of the discussion, the world officially began the day the plane crashed_ – was dismissed. Juliet never asked him about his cons, but she did ask him about his travels. (She was amazed by how many National Parks he had seen.) He never asked her how she learned to be so proficient with guns, but he did ask her about medical school. (Did she seriously have to cut open cadavers?)

Two weeks after they swapped stories, there was a DI barbecue. (Occasion: irrelevant. They had quickly come to realize that the proffered reason for these gatherings was generally anything that passed for a halfway believable justification for a party.) James and Juliet walked with Amy to where the festivities were taking place, grabbed some beers, and made small talk with various Dharmites. (Dharminians? The appropriate term was a topic of ongoing debate.) Over the four, almost five, months that they had been here, Juliet had noticed that James was very popular with the ladies. It had always been amusing to her, although lately it seemed to annoy her a little bit. And now, like always, a handful of women just happened to have found themselves chatting with James. She stayed and participated in the conversation for a while until she finished her beer. She looked over at James, subtly shaking her empty can as a question. He gave a slight nod and smiled at her. She found herself smiling back for a few seconds until she remembered her task and walked over to retrieve two beers.

When a few minutes had passed and Juliet still hadn't returned, James turned around to see where she was. He saw her across the lawn by the drink station talking to David and Brian, who worked in the Motor Pool. He didn't know why this irritated him. She can talk to anyone she wants. That's the goal here, isn't it? To fit in, become part of the community?

She has a job; of course she talks to people. She doesn't spend all day every day under a van. _She's the only woman in the Motor Pool. She talks to guys, all day every day._ And hippies or no hippies, a woman mechanic in the 1970s was something that attracted attention. A leggy, blond, woman mechanic. Suddenly, every guy who worked in the Motor Pool was an ass – all jerks. He felt like a jerk himself for not having her back. When she talked about her work, it seemed to him now that she only ever talked about engines and motor oil. Why not the people she worked with? He was damn sure going to make sure those idiots showed her some respect, and most importantly, left her the hell alone. He snapped out of this train of thought when he saw her walking back towards him with two beers. Two beers, one David, and one Brian.

They were all laughing as they joined the little group around James. She did not look uncomfortable or harassed. _Well_, he thought, _she's good at covering_. David and Brian were keeping their hands strictly to themselves, but he felt that they kept staring at Juliet. He didn't like it. For her sake, of course. Who wants two coworkers ogling you when you're trying to enjoy a nice barbecue? They needed to be sent a message. Specifically: Back off. Instead of taking the beer that she held out for him across the little circle of people they were standing with, he moved to stand next to her. He was shoulder to shoulder with her when he finally leaned over to take the can from her hand. He spent the rest of the barbecue shadowing her wherever she went and shooting dirty looks at the very confused David and Brian.

She waited until they had walked far enough away from the party to say anything.

"What's your deal with David and Brian? Are they some kind of security threat?"

"So they been bothering you?" he asked worriedly.

"No, not at all. They're hilarious. I'm just wondering why you were looking at them like that all day."

"Like what?"

"Like you were going to break their jaws if they made one wrong move."

"Just thought they needed to back off," he grumbled.

"Back off?"

"Oh come on. Those creeps didn't stop staring at you for a second."

"Oh my god, James. David and Brian are harmless. And they were not staring."

"Like hell they weren't! I saw them, the whole time."

"Sounds like you were the one staring, at them."

"They don't?… I mean, at work, it's not…" he trailed off, unsure how to ask her what he wanted to ask her.

"David and Brian have never behaved inappropriately."

"But someone else has?" Now he was very alarmed.

She stopped walking. "James. Relax. I like my job. Actually, I like it a lot. You're getting all worked up over nothing."

"OK, OK. David and Brian's jaws will remain intact. For now." She laughed, and he laughed in response. But in the back of his mind, it bothered him that she didn't answer his question. _Was_ there someone bothering her?

"Now if you need me to send a message to Jessica to back off, you just let me know," she said as they approached their house.

He laughed again and said, "I know you're joking, but I might actually take you up on that offer. She was getting a little handsy with me at the end there."

"Well, you know I've got your back. Just give me the signal and we can take care of that." She smiled at him as she walked into the house.

* * *

Dharma life was suiting James. He had a place here, and it was given to him openly and without reservations. He didn't need to fight for it. He had a clean slate.

All his life, he had felt so angry. He had felt trapped. And now that he was, essentially, literally trapped on this island, in the 1970s – nothing he could do about it – he actually felt as if he had been released. He would never stop searching for Locke and whoever else might be on or returning to the island, but in truth, every day that passed put that life a little more behind him. He realized that entire days would go by without him giving a single thought to those days, those people. He thought about Kate sometimes, and wondered if she was ok. He hoped that she was. He missed her, but he missed her less and less, and he wondered what that meant. He was fine without her – great, even – and he wondered what that meant.

He woke up and smiled. He had the day off, and he was going fishing with Jin and Miles. And today was his birthday. He wondered if Juliet remembered. She was the only one who knew when his birthday was. He very rarely celebrated his real birthday. Depending on the type and number of cons he was running, he could have as many as five different "birthday celebrations" a year. That was always an effective tactic. People are nice to you on your birthday. And it's a good excuse to celebrate.

But today. Today he felt good. He wouldn't think about his past today. Or if he did, it would only be good things.

He finally got out of bed and ambled out into the living room and noticed that Juliet had already left for work.

He spent the day fishing with Jin and Miles. The weather was beautiful and they had some luck – enough for their regular Saturday night dinner to be fresh fish tonight. They had been rotating hosting Saturday night dinners since they had all moved into their houses. The days when Jin had luck fishing made for the best Saturday night meals. The man knew how to cook a fish as well as he knew how to catch one. James thought for a second about telling the guys that it was his birthday but decided against it. It just seemed kind of pathetic.

Juliet was already home from work and showered by the time he got back to the house.

"Miles and Jin's at 6:00. I'm going to run and grab some wine quick while you get ready," she said on her way out the door.

After he showered and got dressed, he decided to read until it was time to leave. Something caught his eye underneath the couch. Curious, he knelt down and pulled out a wrapped gift. "Happy Birthday, James" was written on the wrapping paper. It was pretty obviously a couple of record albums. A huge grin appeared on his face, and he carefully put the gift back in its hiding place.

Juliet returned a few moments later with as assortment of Dharma wines held under her left arm. Her right arm was held out in front of her, palm upturned. He knew something was off, so stood up quickly to take the bottles from her, noticing in the process that she had a pretty nasty gash on her right hand.

"I guess this will teach me to try to clean up broken glass without a broom," she said when he looked at her questioningly. He set the bottles down and steered her toward the couch. "Can I just say, for the record, that it wasn't me? Emily dropped a bottle of Pinot Noir. I was just being helpful."

"You sit. I'm gonna grab a towel and our handy little first-aid kit. Maybe the stapler. We'll see how it looks," he said, walking toward the bathroom.

He proceeded to clean the blood and disinfect the gash. He couldn't remember ever being so careful in his life. The cut was pretty bad, and he knew the disinfectant stung like hell. The last thing he wanted to do was make it worse. He had pulled a bullet out of his own shoulder, but he had never helped someone like this before. Not like this.

As if reading his thoughts, she said, "Thanks for helping. I'm totally useless with my left hand. I probably wouldn't even be able to get the bandage on right." It was true that she wasn't very good with her left hand, but she was really looking for something to say as a distraction. He was sitting so close to her. He was touching her hand so gently. The feelings that were being stirred up right now… they were dangerous.

He must have been doing an OK job (or at least not totally screwing up) if she was able to talk to him as he was bandaging her hand. Then why was he so nervous? He was pretty sure he hadn't taken more than 2 breaths in the last 5 minutes. Her hand was so soft. She was sitting so close to him. He finished applying the bandage but didn't let go of her hand. She didn't pull away either.

He finally tore his eyes away from their joined hands and looked at her. "Better?" he whispered, while simultaneously leaning towards her. Being this close to her seemed to have rendered him unable to form a single thought.

He was so close to her, and now, very slowly, he was getting closer. She had time to back away, to stop his progress, but she didn't. Instead she him halfway. Their lips touched very lightly at first, before they melted into each other. His arms wrapped around her. She wrapped her right arm around his neck and put her left hand on his chest. He wanted to kiss her forever. He wanted _her_.

She wanted to kiss him forever. She couldn't remember the last time something felt so good, or if anything ever had.

When they finally paused to take a breath, Juliet suddenly pulled back.

"We have to get over to Miles and Jin's," she said hurriedly.

"What?" he asked, alarmed by her sudden withdrawl. "Juliet…"

She could see in his face, that near panic. And she realized what he must be thinking. If she insisted on getting to Saturday night dinner on time, as usual, _now_, it was her way of saying that the rules must remain intact. What they had just done was a mistake, an infraction, and they must get back in line. Ignore what happened and then it will never have existed. And that was the last thing she wanted him to think.

"James, it's… It's not… It's a birthday party."

"A what?" he was more confused than ever.

"Tonight. At Miles and Jin's. It's a birthday party for you. It's already ten minutes past when I told them we'd get there, and if we don't show up soon, someone will come looking for us."

She could have dragged him out the door, and let him figure this all out – her reason for insisting they arrive promptly at Miles and Jin's place – but she wanted to make it clear that the only reason she stopped them was because of the party.

He was completely torn as to what to do. What he wanted to do was grab her and kiss her again. He also wanted to know that they wouldn't pretend that what just happened didn't happen. She stood up and slipped her shoes on by the door.

"It was supposed to be a surprise. I'm sorry I…" she paused.

Then it hit him. She had planned a birthday party for him. He didn't know how to process everything he was thinking and feeling at once. She planned a birthday party for him and they kissed. James smiled. He approached her carefully and wrapped her up in a big hug. "Thank you for the party, Juliet."

She laughed into his shoulder. "Don't thank me yet. It might be a terrible party." She reluctantly let go of him. "We better get going." He put his shoes on, picked up the wine, and followed her out the door.

The party was not, in fact, terrible. Jin had prepared an excellent dinner for their normal group of four, plus Horace, Amy, and a few other people that they considered friends. James realized toward the end of the night that his face actually hurt from smiling so much. He couldn't remember the last time he had a real birthday party with real friends. He felt damn good. He stole what he estimated to be about one million little looks at Juliet. The few times she caught him, she smiled at him. That felt _real _damn good.

Miles made it his mission to get James wasted. It seemed like he was handed a shot every ten minutes, if not by Miles, by Horace or even Jin. By midnight, James appeared to be asleep standing up. Horace helped Juliet drag him home and deposit him in his bed.

"Thanks for helping me get him home, Horace," Juliet said as she saw him to the door.

"No problem, Jules. Great party, by the way. I hope James recovers in time for the picnic tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. We'll see you then." _My god, _Juliet thought, _another Dharma gathering?_ She searched through her brain and remembered that tomorrow's picnic was Amy's idea and she had put a lot of work into planning it. This wasn't one that they could skip.

* * *

James spent the entire next morning in bed, making what he considered to be heroic efforts to drink the water that Juliet kept bringing him. The aspirin had helped his pounding headache, but he was still far from functional. When noon rolled around, Juliet informed him that he would need to get himself together for Amy's picnic. He managed to get up, shower, and put on clean clothes. Just as he emerged from his room, Juliet told him that they were already late. She waited with him outside the door as he stopped to let his eyes get (painfully) adjusted to the bright sunlight. He was pretty sure he heard her laugh, and he knew that if his eyes were working properly he would see that she was smirking.

They arrived at the picnic and talked with Amy for a while. He endured some good natured ribbing about his condition the night before. He gave Miles a playful smack to the back of the head when he asked how he was feeling this morning. Juliet found an area among some trees in the shade a ways away from the larger group to lay down their blanket for lunch. She told him to sit down while she went to get them some food and drinks. She got caught up talking to David for a bit at the food table. Long enough, she noted when bringing their food back, for Jessica to hone in on an isolated James and make herself comfortable. She was partly amused and partly annoyed at this. She knew that half of the DI believed that she and James were an item, despite their multiple (increasingly awkward) clarifications on this issue. Jessica, apparently, was one of the people who believed them. When she saw Jessica's hand rub James's shoulder she was no longer amused. She kept her composure as she approached the blanket. She wasn't a teenager, after all. And in truth, she and James really _weren't_ an item.

Only when she sat down next to James (much to Jessica's consternation) did Juliet notice how exasperated he looked. Pretending to make more room for Juliet, James casually slid away from Jessica. She promptly (less than subtly) leaned toward him and continued talking about how much she loved to swim. When Jessica finally took her eyes off of James, he looked to Juliet. She could see that there was something in his expression – he was clearly trying to communicate something. The puzzled look on her face was not what he was hoping for. Jessica asked James if he liked walking on the beach and reached out and grabbed his hand. James had really tried to be civil. Anyone (well, anyone minus one person) could see that he was not interested. He quickly pulled his hand back and cleared his throat. To James's amazement, that still didn't seem to be enough of a message for Jessica. She remained on the blanket. Then it flashed through his mind – _Just give me the signal and we can take care of that. _

"How's your hand feelin', Sunshine?" he asked Juliet.

"It feels fine," she replied. She looked at him quizzically. She wasn't picking up on his cues.

"You were gone for a while there. Thought I might need to send up a smoke _signal_ for you to find your way back," he said pointedly, taking her hand.

She finally caught on to what he was trying to get across to her. She slid close to him, turned, and leaned into his chest. "Sorry. There was quite a line for the food."

He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist. She covered the hand that was now resting on her stomach with her own and leaned even further into him.

This little display seemed to finally get through to Jessica. "I guess I better get in line before they run out of food," she said as she stood up and left.

Neither James nor Juliet made any attempt to move from their current position. They didn't say anything for a few moments. Juliet held her gaze steady toward the ocean and finally mustered enough courage to say, "So what happened yesterday…" She felt him brush the hair back that was falling over her shoulder. Her breath caught. She kept looking out toward the sea.

She continued quietly, "What do you think - " And then she felt his lips on her neck. She stopped talking then. Her eyes closed.

James had hardly noticed that their plan had worked. He mind was far too preoccupied with Juliet – so close, leaning against him, letting him touch her – to register the fact that they had successfully scared off Jessica. If he noticed that she had left at all, it was only because he was sure that Juliet would jump away from him the second Jessica walked away. But she didn't. He heard her mention what had happened the day before, but his brain wasn't processing words at the moment for a response. He touched her hair (so soft), brushed it back so he could see her neck. Her beautiful neck. It was one of the things he stared at the most at his birthday party. My god, she was so close. He felt like he was in slow motion as he leaned forward. And then he kissed her. And she still didn't jump away. He could hear her sigh.

He had just moved his hand to feel the skin under the hem of her shirt when they heard Horace call James's name. They froze for a second and then quickly moved apart. James figured there was enough cover from the trees so that Horace hadn't seen what they were doing. He stood up to go see what his boss wanted. He soon returned to the blanket.

"Guess Horace and Amy made a birthday cake for me. It's dessert time." He reached his hand down toward her to help her to her feet. They stood facing each other, hands still entwined. Then Juliet dropped his hand, turned and walked toward the party. He followed, and promised himself that as soon as this picnic was over, they were going to finish the conversation that Juliet had tried to start.


	3. Chapter 3

**First, thanks so much for the reviews. They are much appreciated. **

The picnic was neverending. Or so it seemed to James. Not that he wasn't appreciative of Amy and Horace's gesture. But he had other things on his mind at the moment. The sun was beginning to set as he scanned the beach, looking for Juliet. He saw her talking to Amy. Miles and Jin were playing catch with some other guys on the beach. He moved away from where most of the group was and sat on the sand.

What he needed to do (for once), was think. He knew what he wanted right now. He always knew what he wanted. That was never the problem. The problem was (1) that he never bothered to think beyond two weeks into the future [three, maybe – but never more than a month] and (2) he rarely bothered to think things through at all. He had become aware of this problem, and decided that he needed to get himself together. He liked the life he had now. In order to not screw it up, he needed to use his brain a little more. And so here he was, a living cliché - the man sitting on a clear, sandy beach, watching the sunset, collecting his thoughts.

Was he still hung up on Kate? She was gone, yes, but did that even matter? He thought he loved her, although, if he was completely honest, he didn't even know if that was true or what it meant. In his mind, he transplanted Kate into his life now, here. They had spent time together in one of these little yellow houses. Half of the time, he felt like she hated him. Half the time, he was an ass to her. He did it on purpose, but he didn't know why. So what if she was here now? Would it be different? He thought that he was different. He had friends here. He went to about a hundred freaking barbecues, picnics, and parties a month. He was different. He had never gotten into so much as a minor disagreement with anyone here. (He liked to mess with Miles, but that was just for fun.) He didn't feel like fighting anymore. It wasn't him against the world. He wasn't on the outside looking in. The person he was _then_ certainly wasn't able to work things out with Kate, to find anything solid. He didn't know how to reconcile the person he was now with whoever Kate was now.

But if he did love her. Yes, let's say that he loved her. She was gone. And if he moved on, it didn't mean that that wasn't real love. It wouldn't be diminished. They had that brief period of time – a blink of an eye, really, in the grand scheme – and he didn't need to sit here tearing that down in order to move forward.

Juliet. He was attracted to her, sure. Months of living in the same house, seeing the shorts and tank tops that she wore to bed, her hair in the morning. Smiles, the sound of her laugh, her neck, those eyes. Was that it then? Was all this just a reaction to being in close proximity to a beautiful, sexy woman?

She was his roommate. She was also his friend. Not a friend like Miles, Jin, or Horace. A friend who would often make his favorite dishes for dinner, even though he knew she didn't care for them so much. A friend who stuck around when he was in a bad mood and lashing out, and only punished him by using all the hot water before he could shower. A friend who didn't keep score; who would accept his apology (which were always sincere) when he made an assy comment and move on. A friend who trusted him to take care of her injured and bleeding hand. A friend who planned a birthday party for him.

This gave him pause. If what he was feeling was loneliness, nothing more than a physical reaction of his body, he would be a fool to risk losing this friend.

So, if Kelly or Michelle or Karen made a move on him, if he kissed another woman? But he didn't even bother following that train of thought. Of course, it was different with Juliet. He had spent enough time with everyone here to know that there was no one he'd rather be with. And sure, when some of the Dharma ladies hit on him, he had considered going for it. He was only human, after all. But (to his own surprise, frankly), he knew that getting involved with any of those women would be a bad idea, and he controlled his impulses. And, as time went on and he spent more and more time with Juliet – saw more and more of Juliet – he was too distracted by her to really want to try anything with someone else.

The question was whether or not it was worth the risk of messing up a good thing. He looked over at her again. She was still talking to Amy and they were laughing. He wanted to kiss her again. But what about her? She had kissed him back when they were sitting on the couch. That much was true. She didn't say it was a horrible mistake or try to backpedal, but she hadn't said anything about it either. Well, he supposed, she tried to bring it up before, on the blanket. But then he had kissed her neck. _Oh god_. She wasn't even looking at him – was facing away from him, and he kissed her neck without asking. Did she think he was a total creep? He didn't think so, but he wasn't certain about anything at the moment. She had been through a lot. They had both been through a lot. Maybe they were each carrying too much baggage. Maybe she didn't want to complicate her life. She had friends here, a job that wasn't breaking her heart; a nice, stable life.

He was staring across the beach at her when he felt someone plop down on the sand next to him. He turned to see Jin, a smile on his face.

"You are thinking, James?"

"Something like that, Jin-bo."

"About Juliet?"

"What? Why do you say that?"

"You look at her. For many minutes."

James didn't say anything in response.

Jin continued, "You like her. She like you too. "

"We're friends. We're all friends." James countered.

"She like you different than me. Different than Miles."

"Yeah, well, who wouldn't like me more than you and Miles?"

Jin laughed. "Goodbye, James." He stood up and walked towards the food and drink tables.

* * *

"That was some picnic," he said. (_Lame_, he thought to himself) as they arrived back inside their house.

"So, you hungry or anything?" he continued. (_Ugh, two dumbass comments in a row. Way to go, moron._) "Probably not." Didn't he used to be good at this kind of thing? He made a living at talking, basically.

"What are we doing, James?" Right to the point, then.

"I don't know."

"I mean, it's probably a bad idea, right? For you and I…" she trailed off.

"Maybe."

"You don't seem to have any definitive opinions," she said, almost with a laugh, finally turning to face him.

"Yeah, well my brain don't seem to be working too great around you lately."

"That's the problem. We need to be smart. We're lying about who we are. We're _time traveling_. We can't be reckless."

"I know."

"And I get it. I mean, we're stuck here, we've been stuck here for how long? It's only natural to feel…"

So was this just an issue of biology for her? The instinctual urge to scratch that particular itch? If he was honest, he would admit that that wounded him.

"Hey, Blondie, if that was all it was I could…" but he didn't finish. He could have gone for the kill, let her know that he knew, without a doubt, that he had plenty of options. Lashing out, knowing exactly what will push someone over the edge and then giving a brutal shove – that was always one of the things he did best.

Of course, she knew what he meant. And she had wondered – why hadn't he taken one of any number of women up on their fairly obvious offers? It would bother her, she knew, if he did. She would be jealous, and she hated that she would be jealous.

"So why haven't you? What do you want, James?"

There was the question. He would rather have someone hand him a pickaxe and tell him to break every rock on the island than answer it. Why was he so terrified to speak right now? He felt like an insecure teenager. He wanted to know what she wanted before admitting to anything that was running through his mind right now. What was he, 12? Damn her for asking first. Maybe he could answer without answering.

"I'm not just looking for a roll in the hay, if that's what you're wondering."

Why wasn't he? He knew that what he just said was true, but since when was he not just looking for a roll in the hay? Probably since around the time he started thinking beyond a few days into the future. Since the time he knew he actually had people relying on him, and he felt good about it. Since the time he realized that he had a life here and he liked it, and he didn't want to be the irresponsible asshole going through life wrecking everything he touched.

"Why not?" she asked him. Jesus, she was asking some good questions. He read somewhere that that was a top indicator of intelligence.

"Because sleeping around here would only lead to trouble."

"And if we… You don't think that would lead to trouble, too?"

"It would be different."

"Because we're here under the same circumstances."

"You think that's the only reason this is happening? Because we're stuck together?"

"We're in what amounts to an artificial environment, stuck in the 70s, in this place. You just admitted that basically everyone else has been ruled out, so…"

"No," he cut her off. "That's not what I meant. I know that before, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe we never would have talked to each other more than 'watch out for, Smokey.' Well who cares about that? Who cares how we got here?"

He knew he was getting off topic. "That's not it. It's not just because you're the only option." OK, that sounded _terrible_. "I mean – I don't mean it like that. You know what I mean, right? It would be different with you because you're you, and I…" He what? He didn't know. Better regroup.

"We got a great thing here. I don't want to mess that up. I just can't get you out of my head."

She hadn't said much for the last few minutes. He had a bad feeling that he had just did exactly what he didn't want to do – screw everything up. They were still standing right inside the door where they walked in.

"I've liked getting to know you, James. I've liked spending time with you." She paused for a moment. "I didn't think it would be…" she trailed off. He knew she wasn't purposely messing with him. He knew that she was hyper-rational and at this moment, her brain was processing everything that had happened. She continued a moment later, "We have to be smart."

"So you said."

"We can't just jump in to things – do things without thinking it through."

"So you're saying, maybe take it slow?" He hoped she was saying _We can take it slow._

She looked as if she was going to say something, but then stopped.

After a moment, she repeated her first question. "What do you want, James?"

"I want to kiss you again, and after that, we can take it as slow as you want."

She stepped closer to him, wrapped one arm around his neck and kissed him as her other arm circled his waist. He pulled her even closer, one hand pressed against her back and one in her hair. And it was amazing. The feel of his lips, of her tongue. Her warm skin when he moved his hand under the shirt on her back. The weight of his body leaning against her.

They could hardly catch their breath when they finally broke apart.

She rested her head on his shoulder and he made no move to let her go or put more space between them.

"Your present," she said, pulling away from him.

"What?"

The couch was in her line of sight looking over his shoulder. She remembered that she never had a chance to give him his birthday present.

She walked over, sat on the couch, reached under, and pulled out the gift. "It's nothing special. There are no good malls around here."

He sat down next to her and smiled as she handed him the present. He ripped open the wrapping paper and examined the two record albums – one the Beatles, and one the Mamas and the Papas.

"This is great, Juliet! Thank you! Finally, some new music around here. Well, different music."

"I thought you might like an alternative to Jerry's musical selections."

"It's the next best thing to an alternative to Jerry," he joked.

"I should go find Amy. I told her I would help clean up," Juliet said.

"Need an extra hand?" he asked.

She was sure if she hadn't spent years training herself to never blurt out an answer she would have said no. She would have taken this (valid) excuse to put some space between them and evaluate what just happened. But she wasn't freaking out. She looked at him. James, her friend. He was trying to be helpful and they needed help. And he was a fun person to have around. (When did she start thinking that he was a fun person to have around?)

"Sure. If you're not busy."

"Lead the way, Blondie."

They spent the evening cleaning up all the debris from the party, doing dishes, and returning tableware and serving dishes all over Dharmaville. It was late by the time they finally made it home. They walked in the house, said goodnight, and went to their rooms. They each fell asleep with a smile on their face.


	4. Chapter 4

Juliet was already gone before he woke up the next morning. She had volunteered to go in early to sort out some parts that had come in on the last sub and were currently in a heap taking up the Motor Pool workspace.

Part of her was glad that she had a legitimate excuse to be out of the house early, thereby avoiding a morning run-in with James. The other part of her wished that they could just get it over with. She wasn't sure if it would be awkward (one kiss could be written off as a momentary lapse – where they were now… that was something else). She hated feeling vulnerable. She hated that she was afraid. She knew that she was happy last night – kissing James and spending time with him, laughing with him as he tried to devise an overly complicated system for doing a large quantity of dishes. But it made her heart sink to think how fast happiness can vanish.

She was lining up spare fan belts on a shelf when she heard a, "Mornin', Sunshine!" behind her.

She turned to see James with two cups of coffee in his hands.

"Is that for me?" she asked, nodding to one of the cups.

He smiled and held the coffee out toward her.

"What kind of person volunteers to go to work this early?"

"If I let these guys sort out these parts, I'd spend half of my shifts digging through piles. They have no sense of organization."

"So it has nothing to do with you being a perfectionist?" he replied with a smile.

"I'm not a perfectionist, believe me."

"No, hey, I get it. I'm sure you're used to having all your test tubes and potions lined up in their proper places and all that."

That comment elicited a genuine Juliet Laugh. The kind that's unguarded and spontaneous, and reaches her eyes. The kind that he had only heard once or twice. If he was grinning before, it was nothing compared to the huge smile on his face now. He loved that sound, and he loved that he was the one who made her laugh. Mostly, he loved that there was still no one else around, so it was only his to hear.

"Thank you for the coffee, James," she said when she caught her breath.

"Any time, Blondie. Guess I should be checkin' in now. Whose turn is it to cook tonight?"

"I'll be home an hour before you, so I'll throw something together."

"Well, I'll see you later then."

"See you later."

They smiled at each other for a moment before James turned and walked away.

* * *

She got a call about an hour and a half before her shift was set to end. A van was broken down about 15 minutes outside of "Dharmaville proper" (as they called it). She and Brian got in a jeep and went out to see how bad the problem was.

As they approached the van, Juliet saw the hood of the van was up. And then she saw James, sitting inside the side door of the van.

"The cavalry arrives!" he said with a smirk as they got out of the jeep.

"Hey, Jim! What seems to be the problem?" Brian asked.

Juliet was looking at James with what he would call a smug expression. He could tell she was exercising some serious willpower to keep herself from making a wiseass comment.

Though Brian was the one who asked him a question, he addressed his comment to Juliet – "If I didn't know better, I'd say someone was trying to sabotage me. Get me stuck out here in the jungle at the mercy of god knows what…"

"Are you serious, Jim? Cause we can call Security…" Brian said, looking intensely nervous.

"Relax, man, I was just makin' a joke. It overheated."

Brian gave half a nervous laugh and walked over to the hood of the van. When he was out of sight, James rolled his eyes toward Juliet, who smiled and slowly shook her head.

Juliet followed Brian over to the van and immediately noticed that the container that held the coolant for the vehicle was empty. She took a closer look and saw that the plastic container was actually cracked.

"Your coolant container is cracked."

"My what?"

"The container that holds coolant. It's like a magic potion that keeps the engine from overheating," she said, with a definite smirk on her face.

He held back his laugh and replied, "That so? Well I'm sure someone with your skills will be able to fix that right up." He gave her his most impressive grin and continued, "I bet you know _exactly_ where the right part is."

Poor, earnest, oblivious Brian was too busy staring under the hood of the van to observe the serious flirting that was taking place between the two people standing on either side of him.

"We don't have extra coolant containers. I've never even heard of one cracking like this," he said.

James tilted his head to one side and gave her a [flirty] questioning look, raising his eyebrows. She was trying hard not to smile as she rolled her eyes at him, but failing miserably.

"We could put some fresh water in the container and probably get the van back without towing it," Brian continued.

"One of us should get back and finish getting number 3 ready since we're going to be short one van for a while. We had them all reserved for tomorrow," she addressed Brian, but was looking at James, eyebrow raised to make her point (and make him wish there wasn't a vehicle between them at the moment). James was liking the sound of this plan – get rid of Brian and take a leisurely ride with Juliet.

She made a sudden turn to look at Brian. "You don't mind riding back with James, do you? It might be good to have two people in the van in case you need to fill up with water again."

"Sure! No problem at all," he responded. Brian was eager to seize onto this opportunity to be helpful to Jim LaFleur. He was terrified of the guy and thought this might be a chance to get on his good side.

Juliet was back to looking right at James. She looked very close to bursting out laughing at this point, he thought. James was biting his lower lip and trying to keep from laughing himself.

They smiled from across the hood at each other as Brian retrieved his bag from the jeep and hopped into the passenger side of the van.

"Well alright then. See you in a bit. Lookin' forward to that special dinner you're makin'," he said to her as she moved toward the jeep.

* * *

Juliet was home, showered, changed, and halfway done cooking dinner by the time James walked through the door. She heard him walk straight into his room and then into the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on as she started getting dishes out. She was pouring herself a second glass of wine when he appeared in the kitchen. She put her glass down and folded her arms as he slowly walked toward her.

"Did you know that Brian is an only child?" he asked, getting closer.

Juliet just smiled.

"Did you know that his dad was in the Navy and his mom won the blue ribbon at the state fair for her blueberry pie?" he continued, circling around her.

"Did you know that he wanted to be a pilot when he was a little kid, but ended up studying to be a mechanic instead?"

She was now biting her lip to keep from laughing and shuffling backward slowly as he got closer and closer to her.

"Did you know that he thinks he might really like Karen?"

Her back was now pressed against the front door and his body was just inches from hers.

"I'm trying not to take it personally that you didn't want to be alone in a hippy van with me."

"I thought you and Brian could use some time alone to talk. Maybe bond a little bit," she replied (doing that thing she does with her eyes that makes him crazy).

"You have 5 seconds to give me the red light," he said quietly, leaning forward and looking straight into her eyes.

Three seconds later, his lips crashed down on hers. Her hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer. He leaned his body against hers, one hand on her hip and one in her hair as his weight pressed her against the door.

This time was different than their previous kisses – more frantic, passionate. There was nothing tentative about it. They were gasping for breath but not coming up for air.

They didn't break apart until Juliet heard a hissing sound from the kitchen. Her pasta was boiling over. She dragged her hand across his chest as she walked past him and over to the stove.

James had just caught his breath when Juliet announced that dinner was ready. They sat down at the table and ate, both flushed and grinning.

When they finished eating, they brought the rest of the bottle of wine out to the porch and talked about Brian; what they wanted to be when they were little kids (a cop and a paleontologist); the first cars they ever drove; and whether Dostoevsky or Tolstoy was the better writer. When midnight rolled around, Juliet picked up their empty glasses and stood up.

"Goodnight, James," she said, looking down at him.

He stared at her for a moment, the moonlight hitting one side of her face. His breath caught. "Sweet dreams," he said, nearly a whisper.

And then she was gone. He took a deep breath and stared up at the stars.

He took another deep breath.

_I am alive._

He took another deep breath.

_I am alive, and I am happy._

He took another deep breath. The air was cool and clean.

_I am so glad to be alive and happy._


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks so much for the reviews. At this point, I would be very open to suggestions. (Didn't know if I'd keep up with this, so I'm kind of making it up as I go along now.) The next chapter will probably be more from Juliet's point of view. Ideas are certainly welcome.**

A few weeks passed without another real conversation as to what they were doing. Where they stood. They snuck kisses (makeout sessions) frequently when they found themselves alone in the same place – especially if they had happened to have a glass of wine or two.

They would kiss, they would flirt, but they didn't talk about it. Of course, neither of them mentioned a word of what was going on to anyone else. They were both very perceptive people, and aside from the people who always assumed they had been together all along, it seemed as though no one suspected anything had changed.

And though James was certainly interested in taking things a step further, physically, he never pushed it or made a move in that direction. He didn't want to risk ruining what they had going. He knew that there were serious issues regarding pregnancy on the island and of the heartache it had caused her. He saw her face when she talked about the women she watched die. He was not going to push. Mostly, he just wanted to know what she was thinking. (Wasn't that always the case?) He was getting better at reading her. (Or maybe she was just letting her guard down around him more.) But in this case, he had no idea. To be fair, he admitted to himself that he didn't quite know what _he_ was thinking. What did _he_ want? He knew he liked living with her, liked having her for a friend. He also knew that he liked kissing her, a lot. It seemed to him that they had completely compartmentalized things. They were friends and roommates all of the time, unless they were making out. Those moments were like a timeout from the friends/roommate life. Then they would stop making out and immediately resume being friends and roommates, plain and simple. (Except for the periodic flirting.)

Yes, that was it. They had completely compartmentalized that aspect of their relationship with each other. Maybe that was the smart thing to do – keep things light and casual, and keep everyone else in the dark. Maybe. The problem was that he really, really liked Juliet. The more time he spent with her, the more he realized that she wasn't just the best option for good company on the island. Yes, he supposed he was stuck here – they were both stuck here – she was right about that. But she was smart, and funny, and she could understand things without him having to put them into words. After those couple of nights, they didn't spend much time talking about the pain they had both been through. She just understood. It was a comfort. And sure, they had a few disagreements (he was less moody now than he thought he ever had been, but he still had his days; and she was still frustratingly distant at times), but she always let things go. She didn't keep a running tally of grievances in her head, and he wasn't lashing out or acting defensive all the time.

If this was all he was going to get, he would be grateful and accept it. But what if he could put his arm around her at all of those stupid Dharma hippy parties? What if she could whisper in his ear some gossip about Brian and Karen? What if they could kiss without making sure they weren't near a window first? What if the house they shared was really _their home_? What if he didn't have to pretend it was fine when other guys were trying to hit on her? _What if he could kiss her every day?_

He was walking home from a long shift. It was getting late, nearly 10:00, and there was no one else outside. He took his time walking, enjoying the warm night. The air was still and humid. (It had been an intensely hot day.) As he approached his house – their house, he heard music coming through the open windows. He looked up at the house and could see Juliet inside the house. She was moving around the kitchen, putting dishes away. He stepped closer to the house. He could hear the music clearly now. _Stars fading, but I linger on, dear… still craving your kiss… I'm longing to linger 'til dawn, dear… just saying this… _She was listening to his Mamas and the Papas album; the one she gave him. He watched as she paused and pulled her hair back, tying it up with a few stray pieces sneaking down around the sides of her face. _Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you… sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you… but in your dreams, whatever they be… dream a little dream of me…_

He knew what he wanted.

He walked into the house and quietly closed the door. She turned around at the sound and smiled when she saw him.

"I just cleaned, so don't you dare walk in here with those boots on," she said, still smiling.

"Hey, come here for a second," he said, his tone serious.

She eyed him curiously and walked over to where he was standing.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything's ok. I… I wanna give this a shot. Us, I mean. Like, a real shot. I know I'm ambushing you here, and you," he paused. He knew he was starting to jumble everything up. He didn't know how to say everything he was thinking. "I mean, maybe, all things considered, we don't seem like a very likely pair, but…" He paused again, realizing that she hadn't said anything yet. She was looking down (bad sign), but she didn't look panicked or appear to be freaking out (good sign?).

"Why don't we seem like a likely pair?" she asked, finally looking up at him (though not making eye contact, he noticed). "Because I tasered you when you first met? Or because I was an Other?" She tried to adopt a light, almost joking tone, but he sensed she was serious.

"What? No. You have to know I never think about you like that. Like an Other, I mean. We _both_ have more than our fair share of demons. I just meant, well, you're a genius doctor and I'm a dropout convict."

"No, James, I'm a mechanic, and you're a security supervisor. And one of the brightest people I've known."

He smiled. "OK then. Let's just put aside all that stuff. My record, the Others, everything that happened before. Technically, none of that stuff even happened, right? We're in the 70s. We got decades before we have to worry about any of it," he said with a grin, hoping to get her to smile.

"So we start at the flaming arrows?" Now she was smiling too.

"Sure. Something easy to remember." Now she was looking him in the eye.

"So?" he continued. "We can take it slow. We don't even have to tell anybody yet. I just wanna know that we got something solid. You may not know this," he smiled, "but you're kinda hard to read sometimes."

"OK," she said quietly.

"OK?"

She stood up on her toes and kissed him firmly on the mouth. He kissed her back and felt her pull away a few seconds later.

"I saved some dinner for you." He watched as she walked over and opened the refrigerator door. He quickly moved over to where she was and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"So does 'OK' mean that I can do this now?" he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her neck.

"If it didn't, you'd be flat on the floor right now," she replied (eyes closed, with a smile).

He laughed softly into her neck and she didn't know if anything had ever felt better.

"I thought we were keeping it to ourselves for now," she continued as his lips moved down to the exposed skin on her shoulder. "The neighbors are probably getting quite a show right now."

"Nah. Unless there's an all night kegger, these hippies are asleep by 9:30 every night."

He finally broke away to let her retrieve the plate of food from the fridge. She sat with him while he ate and listened patiently as James vented about Phil screwing up the security cameras.

James was walking down the hall as Juliet emerged from the bathroom having just brushed her teeth. Without breaking stride, he put his hands on her hips to guide her backwards back into the bathroom.

"No windows here," he grinned.

They made out frantically for what felt simultaneously like an eternity and mere seconds. His hands felt hot on the skin below her ribcage, squeezing her sides. Her hands reaching up under the front of his shirt and sneaking up to feel his chest felt like pure bliss. Their mouths were working furiously. When they couldn't breathe anymore they paused.

"I should…" Juliet murmured, eyes looking to the door.

"Yeah," James said.

"Goodnight, James," she said, and reached up to kiss him softly.

"Sweet dreams, Juliet."

It took them both a long time to fall asleep that night.


	6. Chapter 6

They each woke up feeling slightly giddy and slightly anxious. Juliet was in the kitchen when James emerged, showered and dressed for the day.

"Good mornin', Sunshine," he said with a grin.

She smiled at him and watched as he sauntered over to her. They could see people going about their business outside the window, so he settled for subtly squeezing her hand before reaching for a coffee cup.

"You off at 5:00 today?" he asked while filling his cup.

"Just enough time to come home and get ready for the party," she responded with a smirk.

"People 'round here probably looked at their calendar and started freakin' out – two weeks without one dippy gathering or another."

"Well, we're supposed to be enthusiastic members of the DI community. So I hope you act appropriately thrilled to be there tonight," she joked.

They finished their coffee and went to put their shoes on, each of them calculating in their minds the point at which they would be safely hidden behind the door. When they reached that point, they simultaneously leaned in for a kiss.

"Can you meet for lunch today?" she asked when they broke apart.

"Absolutely. Noon work? I'll pick you up."

She responded by kissing him again before they both headed out the door.

* * *

When James walked over to the Motor Pool a few minutes before noon, the first thing he noticed was Juliet, looking intently underneath the hood of a van (not the one he broke down in). The second thing he noticed was a man, also in a blue jumpsuit, staring just as intently at Juliet. He strode up to the van purposefully before casually (mock casually, in truth), calling out, "Hey Jules. Ready for lunch?"

Juliet looked up with a smile and turned to the guy (_jackass_, flashed through James's mind) saying, "I guess we'll have to give it another try this afternoon."

He smiled at her (_sleazily_, James thought) and replied, "Looks like it."

When they were halfway to the cafeteria, James looked around to make sure no one was near them and said quietly, "So who's the new tool in the Motor Pool?"

"George is our newest trainee mechanic. He came in with the last new recruits."

"Well if he don't tear his eyes away from you and start lookin' at the engines, he ain't gonna be much of a mechanic."

"This again, James?" she replied, shooting him a sly smile and arching her eyebrow.

"I admit I was wrong about David and my new best friend Brian, but you must have noticed how that guy was staring at you."

"I can handle George."

"Blondie, you can handle anyone on this damn island; I know that. That ain't the point."

She chuckled a little and playfully swatted his arm. "Don't worry about it, James. It's pizza day."

He wanted to press the issue, but they had arrived at the cafeteria.

* * *

James glued a smile on his face as he and Juliet walked into the rec room for the party (keeping a friend-like distance between them, of course.) They did their best to be sociable and mingle throughout the crowd, making a conscious effort not to openly stare across the room at each other. At one point, James saw George in the room and gave him a death glare, which he was too busy staring at Juliet to notice.

After a couple of hours, the party started winding down and Juliet thought that she did a sufficient amount of mingling and started searching the room for James. She spotted him over near the bar laughing with two of the new recruits. Two twenty-something female recruits.

This is what she hated.

She knew, intellectually, that he was being polite. She was sure that they probably approached him; probably started trying to flirt with him, and he was simply being sociable. Didn't she herself just spend the last 20 minutes talking and laughing with David and Peter?

She was a rational person reacting irrationally. She was jealous and insecure.

This is what she hated.

Part of her wanted to turn back around and continue talking to David and Peter. They were still where she left them. But she didn't.

She knew that she liked James. A lot, if she was being honest. And just as she knew that she liked James (a lot), she knew that, statistically speaking, she was setting herself up to get hurt. _This_ – relationships – had never worked out well for her. Not even remotely. Yet she had agreed to give it a try with James. She knew why she said "OK." Looking at him right now, she saw part of the reason. He was handsome and charming. But that wasn't it. He seemed to understand her – when to push and when to when to leave her walls undisturbed. He made her laugh. And he didn't _want_ anything from her – research, information… they even split the housework completely evenly.

Even if she couldn't articulately explain her attraction to James, she knew that her reasons for giving it a try with him – the feelings she had when she was around him – were very real. What she didn't quite have a grasp on was what his were. In their one serious discussion about what was going on between them, he said that he wasn't just looking for "a roll in the hay." And she believed him. So what was it? He said it would be asking for trouble to get involved with anyone in the Dharma Initiative. But would it really? Isn't this the man who could talk his way out of anything? Smooth anything over with that charm and those dimples? And yet he seemed sincere when he asked her to give them a real shot.

James was a charming guy, no doubt of it. He had a lot of friends and admirers. She knew he had no shortage of people who would love to spend time with him. And yet he very rarely went out. (Well, "out" insofar as it was possible to "go out" in Dharmaville.) Even then, it was usually when she was at work or otherwise out of the house. And though she didn't understand why he wanted to be with her, she realized that she trusted him completely. And that made her hate her gut reaction jealousy even more. And yet, there it was. Yes, this is what she hated.

When she realized that she had spent the last few minutes lost in thought, and probably looked odd standing by herself, zoned out, she snapped herself out of it to say goodnight to Amy and slip out of the party.

She had made it to the front porch of their house when she heard James jogging up behind her.

"Trying to sneak away and leave me to fend for myself?" he asked, in a joking tone.

"Things seemed to be winding down and I saw my chance to escape. Every man for himself, right?" she responded. She tried to go for a light tone, but failed miserably.

"Everything alright?" he asked, catching on that something was bothering her.

"Yeah, it's fine. Really. I would've let you know I was leaving, but you were in the middle of a conversation." She despised this, truly. There was no way to say it without sounding petty and jealous.

"Those girls? They came up and started talking to me. I-"

"No, James, it's not… I know. It's not that. I trust you, really. It's not that at all."

He could tell from the way she said it, from the look in her eye, that she meant it. That she really trusted him. He smiled and then let out a small laugh.

"Sorry," he said, seeing that she actually looked a little upset hearing him laugh. "It's just that, I used to lie to people all the time who trusted me; and the ones I didn't lie to trusted me about as far as they could throw me. So it's kind of a nice change."

He looked her in the eye, suddenly serious, "I swear you can believe in me, Juliet."

"I know," she replied, never breaking eye contact.

"Then tell me what's wrong."

She paused. "Why?"

"Why what?" he asked.

"Have you ever been in a relationship before that worked out well?"

"Can't say that I have, no."

"Then why did you say you want to give this a real shot?"

"Because I do."

"Why? Why a real shot – a real relationship? I mean… unless I misunderstood what you meant," she was suddenly afraid that she had misconstrued his words.

He had never really seen Juliet flustered before, but he thought this is what it might look like. It threw him enough to render him momentarily speechless. She turned and sat down on the porch steps and continued, talking (more to herself, he thought, than him), "I'm… I… That's why you wanted to keep things quiet…" she trailed off.

She felt foolish, flustered, and worst of all: irrational. She had been jumping to conclusions based on very little evidence. There was that sinking feeling.

"Hey, hey. Hold on there, Blondie." He could almost see the wheels spinning in her head and it was alarming enough for him to nearly dive onto the step to sit next to her.

"I only said that because I thought it was what you wanted. I do want to give this a real shot. I don't know if I can explain it, but I do. I've never known anyone like you before. And I know I probably seem like the same jackass hick you first met, but I feel like I changed." He adopted a lighter tone and continued, "So yeah, maybe we don't have the greatest track record, but maybe the idea of the two of us together is so crazy that it'll work."

He certainly was charming. She rewarded his attempt to lighten the mood by smiling at him.

"I don't think you're a jackass hick."

"So you're saying you'll give this a chance?" She paused for a moment. It was totally silent, the only light coming from the sky full of stars above them.

She leaned across the step they were both sitting on and gave him a soft kiss. Maybe she didn't understand why the two of them were together, and maybe it was a giant risk, but she liked the way she felt with him. She liked him. So she decided to go with her gut, as it were, and see if he was right about this being just crazy enough to work.

"I'll take that as a yes," he grinned. After a moment, he said, "Now since we're on the subject of jackasses… It's really starting to irritate the hell outa me watching a few of them checking you out all the time."

She opened her mouth to reply, but he continued before she could speak.

"Don't deny it, I know when guys are checking you out. Takes one to know one, and all that." She chuckled, and he went on, "And I don't know if you've noticed it or not, but a few of the ladies around here have been making eyes at yours truly." He tilted his head to the side to look at her pointedly, and she rolled her eyes at him.

"I might have noticed that. Maybe." She narrowed her eyes at him as he grinned.

"Glad to hear. Now. I can think of one way to take care of all this."

"Is that right?" she replied, smirking.

"Yep. We'll just call Georgie-Boy, David, Peter, Brian and all those other jackasses over and you start makin' out with me."

She laughed – he would almost call it a giggle, and the sound of it made him smile like an idiot. "I see. And what about those ladies who have been making eyes at you?"

"Well if we invite Brian, they'll all hear about it within the hour. He's the biggest gossip I've ever seen."

"Don't you think we should clue Miles and Jin in first?"

"So you're saying we can tell Miles and Jin?"

"How about Saturday?"

"Two more days of keeping it quiet? I think that's manageable."

"OK then," she said, standing and turning to walk inside the house.

He jumped up to follow her in the house, feeling pretty damn giddy. "And you're sure you won't be too embarrassed to be seen with me?" he joked as he closed the door behind him. "You know you could have your pick of the Motor Pool, don't you?"

"Are you done, James?" she asked, giving him her patented stony expression.

"For now."

"Good."

Before he knew what was happening, she was kissing him passionately. When he felt her hands underneath his shirt, he decided not to pause to take his shoes off, opting to fumble with his feet until he was able to kick them off. She did the same as his hands tugged at her shirt. She was walking backward down the hallway when he pulled it up over her head and tossed it to the floor. His own shirt quickly followed. When they made it to her bedroom, they made short work of the rest of their clothes as Juliet gave a silent thank-you that they didn't flash back to a time before the pill was developed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews and suggestions so far. They really are helpful (so keep them coming, please!).**

* * *

Juliet woke up the next morning in a tangle of sheets and with James's chest as her pillow. She eyed the scar on his shoulder and gently ran her finger over it. Her light touch was enough to wake him.

"You see mine, now you gotta show me yours," he murmured.

"I thought we covered that last night."

"I'm talkin' scars."

He felt Juliet's scar many times. The raised skin on her back. She had always subtly turned or moved his hands if he lingered on it too long, so he couldn't quite make out what is was shaped like, or what it could be from. He would have tried to get a better look at it the night before, but it was dark and he was more than a little preoccupied.

She shifted off of him and laid on her stomach next to him. At first he was afraid this was one of the times he shouldn't have pushed, but when he turned to look at her, she was looking back at him. The expression on her face made him realize that she had moved to allow him to examine it. He pulled the sheet down her back gently, just enough to see the mark on her lower back.

"What the hell happened to you?" he whispered, as his fingers gently traced the mark.

"It was my punishment for killing Danny. If it wasn't for Jack, they would have sentenced me to death." Funny, she thought, how being branded didn't rise to the level of one of the major events of her life when she gave him a rundown of her history.

"So they branded you like a damn animal?" He could almost feel his blood pressure rising. "Jesus. That must have hurt like hell."

"It did."

She saw him shift around on the bed. He leaned over and kissed the center of her scar. She closed her eyes as his lips moved up her back, planting little kisses along her spine. When he reached her neck, she turned to face him. They spent the rest of the morning in bed.

* * *

James walked directly to Miles and Jin's house when his shift ended that Saturday. Miles opened the door and James proceeded to walk past him into the house.

"Please. Come in," Miles said, using his best sarcastic tone. He shut the door behind James and continued, "Don't you think it's a little rude to show up an hour early for dinner?"

"Miles, I need you to do me a favor."

That caught Miles's attention more than James storming into his house ever would have. Usually, when he wanted something, it was '_Listen up, Enos_.'

"What's going on, LaFleur?"

"You know how you always have a smartass little comment for everything? I need you to cram it tonight."

"You getting caught up in this hippy sensitivity crap, LaFleur?"

"No, dumbass. I know you think you're hilarious, but if you say one wiseass word to Juliet, you're gonna be missin' some teeth."

"Wait, why are we talking about Juliet? What did you do now?"

"I didn't do anything," he snapped. "We're…" he paused. Why did Miles have to be so incredibly frustrating sometimes?

"You two?" The light bulb went off in Miles's head and he got a giddy expression on his face. "I knew it!"

"Sure you did, Sherlock," James responded dryly.

"You follow her around like a puppy."

Miles was slightly alarmed by the look on James's face.

"Don't get me wrong. She makes googly eyes at you all the time too."

James sighed heavily, wishing this conversation was over.

"I mean, I don't blame you," Miles continued. "She was hot out in the jungle, but now with like, showers and clean clothes and stuff, it's like, _woah_."

"Zip it, Enos. Now we're coming over for dinner, as usual. We were going to tell you then, but I thought I'd save you from yourself. Lord knows you would've said somethin' to get you decked by one of us. So I'm telling you now, so Juliet doesn't break your arm later. We clear?"

"Hey man, don't worry about it. It's about time you crazy kids got together. Congratulations! Should we hug?"

Miles smiled as he watched James turn and stomp out, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

James arrived home and found Juliet already showered and changed, reading a book on the couch.

"Hey you," she greeted him.

He smiled at her. "Good book?"

"_Mrs. Dalloway._ Virginia Woolf. It's good." She placed her bookmark between the pages and walked over toward the kitchen. She paused in the hallway to give him a soft kiss. "You should get ready for dinner. I'm going to check on my cookies."

"I thought somethin' smelled good."

James managed to get showered and dressed fairly quickly, but they still arrived 10 minutes late at Miles and Jin's. The hallway in their house was narrow enough so that they brushed against each other when James emerged from his room as Juliet was going to hers to retrieve a sweatshirt. That incidental contact led to a makeout session during which the time slipped their minds.

Juliet knocked on the door with a tray of cookies in her hand. Miles answered immediately, with what James would describe as a dopey grin on his face. "Jim! Juliet! Come in!"

Juliet walked in first, slightly confused by Miles demeanor. James followed her, giving Miles a warning look.

Jin was in the kitchen filling up four glasses of wine. Juliet went to greet him and set the tray of cookies on the kitchen counter. Miles and James took a seat at the table. Jin handed each of them a wineglass as they talked about the new recruits and Jerry passing out drunk at the last party. About 20 minutes later, after everyone had finished their first glass of wine, Juliet noticed that Miles was contributing very little to the conversation (unusual) and he had a strange look on his face.

"So what have you guys been up to lately?" Miles chimed in. "Anything interesting? Different?"

Juliet turned to James, narrowing her eyes. "You told him."

James opened his mouth as if to respond, but then abruptly turned to Miles instead. "I told you not to be a jackass, you jackass!"

"What? I didn't say anything!" Miles responded.

Juliet noticed that Jin was looking very confused. She stood up and beckoned for Jin to follow her into the living room as James and Miles continued their bickering at the table. A short while later, they returned. Jin was smiling as he subtly gave James a thumbs-up.

They made it through dinner without incident, keeping the conversation friendly. They were on dessert when Jin brought up the welcome barbecue the next day for the new recruits.

"Another damn party," James grumbled. "Can't we ever skip one?"

"Need some alone time?" Miles asked, sarcastically. The words were out of his mouth before he gave one thought to what he was saying. He felt a pair of eyes boring into the side of his head. He turned and saw Juliet giving him _that _stare. The terrifying one. James found it difficult to keep from laughing at the sheer panic on Miles's face.

"Um, I just… uh… should be a good barbecue…" he trailed off, completely flustered.

Juliet decided to let him off the hook. She gave him a sly smile to indicate that she was (mostly) just messing with him. He was incredibly relieved and offered to get the next round of wine.

* * *

They walked home in companionable silence. Juliet walked into the house first, and James closed the door behind them.

"Listen, I only told Miles what was going on after work today. Just so I could tell him not to be an idiot tonight. Guess that didn't work…"

She smirked.

"You ain't mad, are you?" he asked.

"No, James. I'm not mad." He knew that she meant it, and smiled.

He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist as she ran her hands up his chest and circled her arms around his neck. "Good. So now they know."

"Now they know."

"So what about the rest of the commune? Can we clue them in now too?" he asked.

"Absolutely."

He kissed her forehead. "And how should we go about that? I like my idea from before."

She laughed softly and kissed his neck. "Why don't we just play it by ear?"

"That works for me, Blondie. Now," he said as he ran his fingers through her hair, "I hope you weren't planning on finishing that book tonight."

She took his hand, turned around, and led him into her bedroom. She didn't get any reading done that night.

* * *

"They don't have TV. It's Horace's way of keeping people entertained," Juliet said as they walked out the front door of their house. James had spent the greater part of the morning complaining about the afternoon barbecue. "And I don't think you hate these parties as much as you pretend to."

"Yeah, well, I can think of _much_ better ways for us to spend the afternoon," he replied.

She playfully nudged his shoulder and told him to be friendly.

They spent the first part of the barbecue in close proximity, until Juliet got sidetracked talking to Amy and James got trapped in a conversation with Horace and Brian. After about 15 minutes listening to Brian chronicle the changes in his taste in music, James excused himself to go get something to drink. He scanned the area for Juliet as he made his way across the lawn. He stopped dead in his tracks for a second when he spotted her. She was talking to George and two guys who were just assigned Workman duties. He circled around so he could listen to their conversation without the guys seeing him. They were doing their damndest to flirt with her. It was almost funny, how they were trying to outdo each other. _Almost_. He had spent enough time with Juliet to recognize the look on her face. Irritated, but covering it up with a fake smile in order to be polite. He noticed that her eyes were scanning the crowd every few seconds.

James took that as his cue to walk over towards the group. When she finally saw him, she gave him a strange look that he couldn't quite read. When he was about fifteen feet away from their little circle, she started walking to meet him. He slowed his pace as she continued toward him. Three sets of confused eyes watched her abruptly walk away mid-conversation. Without slowing down, she walked right up to James, placed her hands on his sides and kissed him square on the mouth. It only took him about a second to respond, his hands framing her face. She had meant for it to be a very short kiss, just enough to send a message. It went on for a little longer than she intended.

He felt inordinately proud. He ran his hands down her arms before taking her hands in his own and squeezing them. "You wanna get somethin' to drink with me, sweetheart?"

She smiled at him and nodded. He turned and put an arm around her shoulders as they made their way over to the drink table. Though she never gave a single glance back toward the three guys who had just been vying for her attention, he couldn't help but turn his head to peak. His smile grew even bigger after seeing the dumbstruck expressions on their faces.

This beautiful, intelligent, sexy, _amazing_ woman was with him. Wanted to be with him. _Chose him._ And now she was telling that to the whole world.

They each got a glass of lemonade at the drink table. "Sit down for a bit?" he asked, nodding in the direction of a bench nearby. They walked over and sat on the bench. He put his arm around her, and she leaned into him. He was making a conscious effort to look casual, but was finding it difficult to keep from grinning like an idiot. They both knew that people were looking at them.

"I guess the secret's out," she said.

"You OK with that?" he asked.

She kissed his cheek in response, and there was no stopping the dopey smile from appearing now.

"So what was that all about back there? They weren't hassling you, were they?" He looked down at her when she paused before answering.

"No, they were just…" she trailed off. "I don't know. I just wanted everyone to know. No more secrecy, no more come-ons… hopefully."

"I see. So you were just using me to get those guys to back off," he joked.

"Exactly."

He kissed her temple and Juliet noticed Amy looking at her pointedly.

"I better go talk to Amy."

"How 'bout one more kiss before you go? Seein' as how we're official now."

She smiled and kissed him before standing up to go talk to an impatiently waiting Amy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Again, not really sure where I'm going with this story, but thanks to everyone who is reading (and commenting!) Ideas are welcome...**

* * *

_Did it matter then, she asked herself, walking towards Bond Street, did it matter that she must inevitably cease completely; all this must go on without her; did she resent it; or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely?_

Juliet could not get this out of her head. She had mastered the art of self discipline. By sheer force of will, she was able to keep her thoughts from going there – to her sister and her nephew. Her life, before. Because in those times that she slipped, and let her mind inhabit that place, it was too overwhelming. It broke her heart.

It was easier now. She had been with James for three months. She was incredibly happy. Her relationship with him was one of the best surprises of her life.

So it wasn't that she was depressed, or sad, even. It was just that that passage from the book caught her off guard. It snuck up and knocked the wind out of her.

She wasn't dead. Did Rachel think she was dead? Or just missing? And which was worse? Did she live every day with that ache, not knowing? Or did Ben arrange it so that Rachel thought she had abandoned her? She knew that as intensely as she missed her sister, Rachel was missing her too. She could imagine the hell, the grief, Rachel would be living with. Did she have to pack up her things? Deal with her car and condo? These thoughts tortured her.

So much time had passed. So much had happened without her. Was Rachel healthy? Had she met someone? She had a nephew. A whole little person that she worked so hard to help bring into the world. She didn't know him, and she had a feeling, deep down, that she never would. She had missed it, and it was crushing. That the world had gone on without her. But she wasn't dead.

She hoped, so much, that her sister and nephew were safe, healthy, and happy.

She wasn't aware that she was crying until she felt the tears drip onto her hands. She was sitting, hunched over on the couch. This feeling was suffocating. She needed to breathe, but didn't want to sit on the front porch overlooking the row of yellow houses, all lit up. She stood up and walked out the back door. There was one tiny bench in their tiny back yard. She sat down and tried to clear her mind by taking deep, gulping breaths of the cool night air.

It was 11:30 when James walked through the front door. Jerry wanted the day off, so he worked a double shift. He spent most of the day in front of the monitors, so he wasn't overly tired. Plus, he had the next day off and knew that Juliet did too. He was going to ask her what she thought about spending the morning at the beach. He walked to their room and found an empty bed. Did she fall asleep on the couch and he didn't see her? He quickly changed (his one venture out today took him through some mud and he knew she wouldn't appreciate him tracking dried mud throughout the house) and did a quick search of the house. He was getting a little concerned when he scanned the living room and didn't see her. He circled through the kitchen and, out the back window, glimpsed some blonde hair illuminated by the moon. She was sitting perfectly still.

He studied her for a moment. Her knees were tucked under her chin, arms wrapped around her shins. She was withdrawing into herself. He went back down the hallway and grabbed two of his zip-up sweatshirts and a couple of blankets.

She saw him emerge from the house with his arms full. He dropped some blankets in the grass and stopped to put on his sweatshirt. He walked over and sat next to her on the small bench. He kissed her temple as he helped her into the other sweatshirt.

James quietly got up and spread the blankets out flat over the grass. He walked back to Juliet and reached his hand out to her. The moon provided enough light for him to see reflections from the tracks of her tears. She hadn't realized that she'd forgotten to wipe them away. When they reached the blanket, James pulled her down to lay next to him. She curled into him, burying her head in his shoulder. The fabric of his shirt muffled her words.

"I don't know what she thinks happened to me. If she thinks I'm dead."

He knew she was talking about her sister. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He was.

"I hope she's moved on. I don't want to be a ghost in her life."

"You don't want her to feel how you're feelin' right now."

Yes, that was exactly it, she realized.

She took a deep breath, and he spent the next few minutes running his hand through her hair.

"Can I ask you something about her?"

"Sure."

"Do you think she would like me?" He said it half in jest, to lighten the mood. But part of him really did want to know the answer. He knew how close Juliet was with her sister.

She chuckled a little. It felt good to smile right then. She turned so that her body was perpendicular to his, her head resting on his stomach. He reached to rest his hand on her stomach. She sighed, considering her answer, and her two hands played absentmindedly with his fingers.

"Hm. I think she'd be skeptical at first, just because she always is." She paused, then continued, "You're a lot different than anyone I've dated."

"You didn't date any high school dropouts turned career criminals?"

"I didn't date anyone as witty and sweet as you. Mostly the pompous, stuffy type, who couldn't take a joke, let alone make one. Although I was a lot different myself, then." She turned to look at him with a smirk, "You're also better looking than anyone I've dated before."

He grinned at that, "Good answer!"

She looked back up at the night sky. "She'd like you though. She's a wiseass too."

"I'll take that as a compliment," he smiled.

He wanted to console her, tell her that Rachel was probably healthy, happy, and carefree with the son that she had made it possible for her to have. But he knew that Juliet was not the type of person to be soothed by empty words. They both knew that Juliet vanishing would always be a shadow over a part of Rachel's life, just as losing Rachel and Julian had crushed a piece of Juliet's heart. There was no sense denying it. But this did not mean that they couldn't each find happiness in their lives. He didn't know what the right thing to say was. He could tell her that she wasn't alone, that there is more than one kind of family. He could tell her that she had someone who loved her, and that he was right next to her. But he was too afraid to say either of those things. He'd never had something so good as what he had with Juliet. He was terrified that he would say or do the wrong thing, and it would all be taken away from him in a moment. He knew how quickly the ground could disappear from beneath his feet.

Instead, they stayed quiet and still until a breeze passed over them and he felt her shiver.

"Let's get you inside," he said.

* * *

James woke up first the next morning. He thought about getting up to make breakfast, but ended up watching her sleep. After a few moments of this, he couldn't resist reaching out and gently running his hand down her neck and across her collar bone. He heard her sigh before she lazily opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Sorry I woke you up," he said.

"It's a pretty nice way to wake up," she replied.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss. "So what do you want to do with our day off?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe go to the beach? It looks sunny outside."

"You read my mind, Blondie," he whispered, before kissing her ear. "You ain't in a big hurry to get there, are you?" he asked as his hand made its way up under her tank top.

"No hurry at all."

* * *

They spent most of the day at the beach, where Jin tracked them down and invited them over for a game night. (Thankfully, they were actually swimming and decently attired when Jin found them.)

At Miles and Jin's house, they played several games of beer pong. They had practiced their beer pong skills enough over the past few months to make the games very competitive. The result was that they had all consumed a lot of beer, in fairly equal distributions - which is to say, they were all hammered. When they ran out of beer, they decided to sit down and play poker. Since money didn't have much value to them, they played for a more lucrative prize: Dharma Chocolate Candies. Miles dug out a bottle of vodka, and the drinks kept flowing as the game went on. Jin was the first out. He didn't seem to mind losing, he was enjoying watching how competitive the others were getting.

Juliet was the next out. She went all in on a fairly week hand, and merely shrugged and refilled her drink when she lost. James suspected that she lost on purpose because she was getting bored after countless hands. Miles, the most competitive – and paranoid – of the bunch, accused her of throwing the game on purpose to lose to James and give him all of her candy. With Jin and Juliet out of the game, the trash talking between Miles and James began in earnest.

The hands went back and forth, Miles winning one and James the next, for quite some time. Eventually, Miles won two hands in a row.

"Ha! I was totally bluffing on that one, LaFleur. You're getting soft, all cocooned up in your little love nest all the time."

Juliet had had enough to drink by that point to want in on the gamesmanship between James and Miles (she usually stayed firmly on the sidelines rolling her eyes when they went at each other) and to feel bold enough to sit on James's lap after Miles's comment. Much as James might have wanted to shoot Miles an intimidating stare, he couldn't help but grin as he looked at Juliet sitting on his knee. He wrapped his arm around her waist. "How 'bout you just deal the cards, Wild Bill," he shot back at Miles.

Miles dealt, and Juliet picked up James's cards and handed them to him.

"Hey, you're not allowed to help him," Miles protested.

"I won't say a thing, I promise," Juliet responded.

"How do I know you two don't have like, secret communication signals?"

"Are you serious?" James asked, exasperated.

Juliet rolled her eyes and said, "Come on, Jin. Let's go sit outside. It's a beautiful night to not be stuck inside playing a neverending game of poker." Just as Juliet disappeared out the door, a soft breeze drifted through the open window. It was a gorgeous night. If he couldn't beat Miles soon, he was going to throw the game too.

Jin laughed, grabbed the bottle of vodka, and followed her out to the porch.

The next few hands went back and forth. Juliet and Jin talked for a while on the porch but the conversation had dropped off as they started listening to and quietly laughing at the insults being hurled inside the house.

"So I should warn you, LaFleur," Miles stated as James shuffled the cards, "that new girl, Jenny? She's going after you hardcore."

"Is that right?" James shrugged it off, assuming Miles was trying to throw him off his game.

"Yep. That's what Rosie says."

Jin's English had improved dramatically. He was pretty sure that the men inside didn't realize that he and Juliet could hear everything they were saying through the window. He looked over at Juliet. She simply sighed and slowly shrugged a shoulder.

"Well you can tell Rosie to tell Jenny not to bother. I'm taken."

Juliet tried not to let her grin show too much. She trusted him completely, but hearing him say those words still made her smile.

"Rosie said she told her you and Juliet were together. She was unfazed," Miles continued as James dealt the cards out.

"Well then I guess she'll have to learn for herself that she's barkin' up the wrong tree."

"Maybe when she figures out that you can't even stand upright when Juliet is around, she'll move on to me – the real catch around here."

"Hey, that was one time", James retorted, "You know that sidewalk is wonky. And you saw that dress she had on…" he trailed off, realizing that that was not, indeed, his smoothest moment.

"I sure did," Miles muttered.

James shot him a death glare. "All in."

Miles grinned. "I call."

They flipped their cards, revealing that Miles had the better hand. "YES! I rule!" Miles stood up from his chair, arms victoriously held up in the air.

"Enjoy your candy, Enos. Don't eat it all at once. You'll get a tummy ache," James said as he stood up and walked outside to join Juliet and Jin.

"Who won the game?" Jin asked from his chair as James sat on the bench next to Juliet.

James had just opened his mouth to answer when they heard Miles congratulating himself. James narrowed his eyes and looked at Jin and Juliet with a smirk. "Guess you probably already know."

Jin stood up and collected their glasses. "I will go get more ice," he said, excusing himself and walking into the house.

Juliet turned to face James and wrapped her arms around his neck. "So you didn't hurt yourself when you fell down, did you?" she asked with a smile.

"Only my pride, Blondie. Of course Miles had to be there to see it."

She leaned in and kissed him, passionately. If she'd kiss him like this every time he made a fool out of himself, he'd be willing to fall on his face every day. Just when they came up for air, Jin walked back outside with three fresh drinks in his hands. Juliet took her glass from him and turned her body, leaning back against James and putting her feet up on the bench. He put his arm around her and thanked Jin for the drink. Miles eventually joined them. They were up until 2:30AM, enjoying the fresh air, and chatting about their jobs and their neighbors. It flashed through James's mind how much he loved this life; these friends; this Juliet. It was all more than he ever dreamed of.


End file.
